Implants are in!

I'm sitting here, writing this blog, and I've got two bags attached to my pants with safety pins, holding my drains.  I've got my favorite comfty hoodie on and Victoria Banks' song, "Someone Does" is playing in the background.  And all I can say is, it's done!  The implants are in, the scars are healing, and as soon as these darn drains are removed, the pain will subside.  I had my exchange surgery done on Friday September 23rd, and it was a success.  Other than feeling pretty wiped out from the anesthetic, and a little discomfort, I made it through, it's over.  And now life can go. I have had a few very low moments in the last few days, but I'm managing.  It's been hard to go through this surgery again, alone.  I miss my mom so much at these times.  Scott took me to my surgery on Friday, and then has been here daily checking in on things and bringing things I need.  It's hard to not have him here all the time to help, but that's the reality of separation.  The timing sucked, but those things happen. My neighbors have been a huge help, always checking in to see if I need anything.  The neighbor kids all came over on Saturday for a visit, and I really appreciated it.  Most of the time, I just sit and watch DVD's or chat with friends on Facebook.  The first few days it was so painful to get out of the chair, but I'm feeling more mobile now.  Yesterday I went up to the post office, and to the library, but was exhausted when I came back.  Three anesthetics in four months, I don't think my body is adjusting well.  I've had a few friends stop by, checking in and bringing me treats.  I'm not very entertaining right now, but I appreciate just having them here to sit with me.  Sometimes cry with me.  People have said I've been so negative lately, and not really looking on the positive side of what I did.  I'm sorry that people have felt that way, but Bevin doesn't ask for help very much, and I think that my negativity this time, was a cry for help. Taking care of myself when I'm in pain & not having any family close by, it's been hard...really hard!  I have been seeing a counsellor in London and thankfully she has called everyday to check in, and to chat with me.  We set goals each day, even if they are just small, of things I need to accomplish, and how I'm going to move forward from here.  It's great just having someone to talk to about everything, and have things make sense.

Today is Previvor Day and I am a previvor.  I have a predisposition to a hereditary or genetic link to Cancer.  There is a day to celebrate this, to share our stories with other people who carry this gene and to teach the general population about Cancer genetics.  When I started out with this surgery, I wasn't doing it just for me.  I wanted to know that I would be helping someone else, be it my family, my friends or a complete stranger who had a family history of breast cancer and wanted to learn more about genetics.  And as I read the comments and posts now, I think that I have accomplished what I set out to do, and I hope that I can share my story with many more people, and help change their lives too.

My friend Cheryl, who I met through FORCE, recently gave me a brochure for a program based in Florida called ICARE Inherited Cancer Registry.  It is a registry developed for individuals interested in taking part in studies on inherited cancers.  Basically I just filled out a questionaire, sent them a copy of my genetic test results and a family tree and if they need more information, they will contact me.  It's a database for research, and I was so happy to hear about it.  If my mutated gene, can help with research to save another persons life, then it's all worth it.  If anyone wants more information about ICARE check out their website at ICARE@moffitt.org

Time to get on with my day.  I'm hoping the nurse is coming today to take out my drains, but that depends if they are ready to come out or not.  I can't wait to have a shower!

It's been a while. Time for an update

What can I say?  I've been lazy and haven't kept up with this blog.  But I've had some people wondering lately how things are going, so I decided to take some time today and catch everyone up with what's been going on.  Oh life... I can't even begin to tell you how crazy the last few months have been.  Physically, i'm doing really well.  After the surgery, June 3rd, to deal with an infection on the right breast, everything went smoothly.  Although I was lopsided for a little bit before they could catch the expansions up, everything is evened up now.  I currently have 500 cc's in each breast.  The implants will be about 450 cc's, but they have to stretch the skin further than the expansion.  I went to see Dr.Ross last week to talk to him about the final surgery, scheduled for Friday September 23rd.  To be quite honest, we didn't even talk much about the surgery, all I basically said was "please just make my boobs look nice"  and that was it.  The rest of the time at the appointment was spent talking to nurses, nurse practitioners, & social workers about the rest of the stuff going on in my life.

When I first started this blog, I wrote something about being "happily married."  Well, all these months later, and Scott & I are separated.  It's hard to say when things went wrong, but people just handle things differently, and well, eventually we decide we need emotional support.   Five years ago when I learned of my BRCA2 diganosis, Scott was not there with me.  I saw surgeons & specialists all through the years, had multiple tests done and never once did he offer to come with me.   I remember sitting there in the waiting room, watching all the woman with their spouses/partners and thinking I was so strong to be there alone.  But inside I wanted so bad for him to be there.  On the occasion he did offer to come, there was always some complaint about having to take time off work, or driving the car to London and it was just easier to go alone, and not listen to the complaints.  I have been strong for myself and others for so long, and for once, I wanted someone to be strong for me.  I went through this surgery to give myself a chance at a longer life.  Not just for myself, but for my family.  For my husband, and for our future children. For the first time, Bevin was doing something for me, and yet, it was still for others.  That's just who I am.  I've learned a lot going through all of this though, and i'm still learning about the person I want to be.

I'm working at starting a group in Canada called FORCE (Facing our risk of Cancer empowered).  It's for women who are at a predisposition to Cancer because of a hereditary or genetic link.  I found the group after my first surgery when I was looking to find women to talk to, and now I'm going to start the group in Sarnia to meet other women going through the same thing.  I met with the breast cancer society last week, and they are going to provide the space for our meetings.  The first meeting will be held on October 26th, to teach people a little bit about Cancer genetics and share my story.  From there, it will be a support group for women who are BRCA carriers and we can share all of our stories.  I'm so excited to start the group and to meet other people that have gone through this same journey or who are considering this surgery.  It is in times that I am at my weakest that I am strongest for others, and I really hope that sharing my story and starting this group, empowers other women to learn about genetic risk factors.

Buckingham Fountain, Chicago

Although I've been really stressed out with everything going on, I have had a really fun summer.  I worked with Blackburn Radio again as a Summer Patroller, saw some Tiger games with my buddy Trevor & even caught a Chicago Cubs game in Chicago. I've made some great memories this summer with some great friends and now skating season is starting up again.  Unfortunately, I won't be able to do synchro this year because I just don't have the money, and the weekly trips to Chatham add up, but i'm back in Mooretown coaching.   Once my surgery is over, and I am healthy again, i'm going to start looking for full time work.  At this point, I really have nothing keeping me in Sarnia, so i've been looking everywhere for jobs.  Considering I have dual citizenship, I can also go work in the USA. Really my options are endless, so we will see where I end up.  I've got a whole life to live now, and having done this surgery, I am hoping I've given myself even a longer chance at life.

Johnny, Matt & I on Summer Patrol

I don't regret doing this surgery for anything, it was the best decision I could have ever made for myself.  Yes the timing of it all wasn't right, but then again, a Cancer diagnosis at any time wouldn't be good either.  I'm proud of myself for what I did, and I can't look back.  And I'll use this phrase to end this blog entry, "Today is the first day of the rest of my life."

My buddy Trevor & I at a Detroit Tigers Game.

Everyone needs a friend like him