I did it!

**GRAPHIC CONTENT WARNING**

This morning I woke up, after not sleeping very much and I decided that I needed to shower.  The nurse told me that it was okay, as long as I was able to put the dressings back on.  It's amazing the little things that are difficult to do after this surgery, but I knew I could do it.  I got myself undressed, got the shower running (which trying to pull the tap was probably the most difficult part) and finally was able to take a shower. It felt so good.  While I was in the shower, I had to brave the inevitable and remove the dressings that were on there.  It hurts a lot less when they are wet.  For the first time in a week, I saw the scars.  They are stitched, and there are steri strips holding them together, but really, they aren't too bad.  It was nice to clean the wounds.  When I got out of the shower, I could look in the mirror and get a good look at them.  A little shocking I guess, but not too bad.  I could actually feel them for the first time too.  That was weird!  The expanders are in, and they feel really weird.  Nothing like feeling plastic inside your boob.  One side seems to look different than the other, but the doctor did tell me to remember they are sisters, not twins.  I think that I'm okay with how they look.  Once the expansion process starts, they will change again.  The scars will heal.  I was able to wash my hair, dry it, and get myself dressed.  What a great feeling!

First time with bandages off.  Rt side is swollen
Lt side is normal.  The left expander is hanging a little



The Rt side with drain site bandage

 I have started to do a lot of online research since my surgery.  I guess I have the time now that I'm limited in what I can do.  I have found a lot of support groups online for women who carry BRCA genes & women who have gone through PBM's.  It really makes me feel good to read about other women in this same situation.  There is actually a term that they use to describe people that are at risk of cancer due to genetic dispositions called previvors.  It's interesting they have a term for it, but I guess it makes people feel they have a term.  Ironically before this week, i've never heard the term.  I also found a group called Force: Facing Our Risk thats in the US and they are all about hereditary breast & ovarian cancers.  I was very pleased to read their website and get a whole lot of great information.  I emailed the volunteer contact about setting up a group in Canada.  If I can share my story with other women, and can raise money for this organization, i'd feel like I was doing my part.  The link to the website is facingourrisk.org.